Randomness

Today, I have felt very...Elated? Yes, elated, Very confident too. Like all the choices and thing's I keep going over in my mind aren't bothering me anymore, at least not today. I'm confident that the choice I'm making is the right one, even if it's the one that isn't as reassuring. I'm reassured that if I take that road, I won't fail. I'm also sure if I don't take that road I will wonder what if every day...And I don't want to wonder that. I want to know.

So, now for the hard part. I need to get a job and save up my money so when I graduate and the time comes I can afford to move across the freaking country...It's going to be scary. I'm a very independant girl, but to move somewhere I've never been, and not know anyone there...YIKES! But I can handle it. I need to grow up, fly out of the next, all that junk. Haha.

Today my friend "Wolf" Asks me how I feel toward him, because he thought he knew but he wanted to know if anything had changed. And I told him. I straight up told him how I feel (Wich I have done countless times, but it was hard and tears were cried those times) But It's easy now. I was in a good mood, and my mood didn't shift when I delved into my feelings, and told him how he's one of my best friends, and how sometimes I wanna be more then friends, and other times all I want is the friendship. My eye's didn't even water. I am getting SO good at the acceptance thing. Before, I would have been depressed for the rest of the night had I talked about my stupid "feelings" with him. But now, it's just another conversation.

I don't think I have EVER been as emotionally strong and stable as I am now. Wich is a good thing, because I got a friend who may, or may not, need extra strength. (She's just as strong as me, just doesn't know it, and not yet learned the control thing, but she will) But the point is, I'm reaching levels of strength I hadn't known before.
The other day, at the movies with my friend, some thing came on, said something about guys having tickling fights, and I was like "What guys have tickle fights?" and she makes a joke about "Danger" and his brother, let's call him..."Angel"....But she said "Chipmunk" doesn't do that, because he does it with "Daisy" And that was sort of a blow to me, ya know. Didn't expect her to go there. Don't think she realized that simple sarcastic joke could effect me, but it did. But I was strong enough to sort of push it aside and rearrange my thoughts so I didn't think about it.

I've got amazing control now. Any other time before now, and that simple remark could make me cry right then and there. Sigh.

On another note, I been studying screen plays. I want to write screen plays one day, and I want to be an actress, so it's good knowing how they are set up, and how to read a script and all that. But anyways, I was reading the first draft of the "Twilight" screenplay and I'm not even ten minutes into reading it when I find out it's much better then the movie. They cut out a lot they had originally planned to put in the movie it seems. Lol. Made me laugh. But I liked the screen play better then the movie, even though it was still not as good as it could have been. I'm such a critical person. Haha.

Well, well, well....I LOVE MUSIC...
Just felt like sharing that with you people. I have this deep fascination with Lauren Fairweathers music. I relate to her so well. I swear. She = Awesome. You should check her out. Haha.

Okay, it's almost 2:00am...And I should be getting to sleep (though I'm not tired at all) Sigh. Either way, my computer might spontaniously combust if I decide to stay on it for much longer...So...Goodnight all!

* May The Stars Watch Over You!