Don't Even Know...

I don't even know what to say right now.
Today has been...Different...I'm not sure how, but it has...

Buuut...It was also the birthday of a very wonderful man...Man, he isn't a boy anymore, he's a man! My goodness! Sigh. Anyways, Joseph turned 20...That's exciting. I made chocolate cupcakes while jamming to Jonas all afternoon. I was also going to make dinner tonight, but I had a surprise visit from two friends, so we sat up in my bedroom talking about nothing really for a few hours. I wouldn't really say that was fun. It was good to see them, because one of them I hadn't seen since early july...But it was just one of those days I wanted to be alone, ya know?

Tonight I tried taking another stab at writing...I think there is something bothering me that I just haven't acknowledged yet, that's making it so hard to concentrate. I don't know what. I mean, it's got to be something, right? I just don't know.
I've been sick a lot lately too. Like, I have NO energy, and I keep getting headaches, and fevers....My stomach always hurts, but that's not new...Something is also wrong with my knee, but that's bearable...But it doesn't make sense. I usually get sick when my emotions get out of wack, but I am currently emotionally stable. I haven't cried or worried and anything. Not over Kevin, not over David...Not over anything. I mean, I get emotional alot, but not in the sense that it will make me sick. Not recently...So I don't know...And I don't have insurance, so I can't go to the doctors either way. Lame, let's hope it'll pass without leaving much damage...

Well, I have been beating myself up over the fact that I'm not getting much support on my whole "College later, LA now" decision. It seems no one thinks any good of the idea. I got one friend who doesn't think I'm going to go through with it, one who thinks it doesn't really matter much, one who wishes me the best but doesn't have an actual opinion, and one who advises me against it entirely...Then there is the family issue. Mom who says "It's my choice" Wich means she won't say I should, or shouldn't, but ultimatly thinks I shouldn't. And I don't even want to begin to imagine what my dads opinion will be...Uber sigh!

On the upside, I get to see my boys next week! That will be great. Haven't seen them since January, and I was mentally, emotionally, and physically unstable then. (I thought I was dying, while I sobbed in the middle of the street in pouring rain) I went insane, pretty much. But now I'm as good as can be. So, It should be pretty freaking amazing!

Well, it's three in the morning. And, I need a shower, and sleep...I may wait till morning to shower...Cause I'm pretty tired, though with my luck I'll get up to bed and not be able to sleep for hours. Story. Of. My. Life.

Well, nighty night all!

*May The Stars Watch Over You!