I'm in a Hurry...

I dream about you every night.

I think about you every day.

I'm holding a place for you, inside my heart.

I'm anxious, to feel you heart beat.

I wonder, if you're looking for me too...


Sigh. I'm on that journey, trying to find "Mr. Right" I don't really know if there is such a thing as "Mr. Right" but I know there is a "Mr. Right For ME" And I'm really really overly ready to find him. Everyone is all "Bree, you're only 18, you got plenty of time to find the right guy" But honestly, tomorrow is never a garuntee. I don't know how long I got before my road ends. I'm not invincable, and I'm not going to ignore that fact. You see things happen to other people, somewhere else, someone else. Always on the news. Do you ever think "That could have been me?" or worse "That could have been my brother, my best friend, my cousin, my aunt, my father, my son..." The thought may cross your mind, but you should never really take like for granted. I think about it a lot. And we don't have all the time in the world, no matter what people like to think. Anything could happen, at anytime. Life is unpredictable. And I don't want to make the mistake of forgetting that. I don't want to regret my decisions, and the things I do. I want to accomplish a lot of thing in life. People wonder why I am in such a hurry, but the thing is I don't have tomorrow. The future isn't set in stone. I want to do things, live my dreams, and find my love now, while I'm still young...Before my time runs out.
Since I don't know when it will run out, I'm eager to go out there...And find where I belong, and who I belong with.

Today I was talking to my mom and dad about random stuff, and my dad mentioned how I need to get a job. So I told him since i had already applied to several places and none are hiring, I would wait till I start my homeschooling this year before I go look for a job again. See, I want to get on a routine, I want to have my schedual set so I don't lose sleep, and get off track. I want to be settled into my school routine and work my job around it. Well, my dad's point of view has totally changed. He used to be all "School now, everything else later" He wanted me to go to college, I know that. But today he said I needed to get a job, since I'm 18, it was more important than my education...

Which made NO sense to me. It made me feel like he's given up on me in a way, you know? People are always like "You have so much potential" Teachers, parents, they all say that. I heard it so many times, especially since I never had really good grades growing up, I got the "You so much potential, if you would only work harder, try harder, focus more" speach ALL the time. But, I think my dad doesn't think I have potential anymore. I suppose that will make it easier when I tell him I'm probably not going straight to college once I graduate...

But it still depresses me a great deal. Maybe it's because I'm the stupid girl who dreamed of being an actress when she was little and didn't grow out of it. I still want to be an actress. I'm damn good too. It's the only thing about myself I really do boast on. And I want to write screen plays. I write short stories all the time. It's good practice. I'm getting better at it. And I want to film movies. I want to direct them, and produce them. I even want to do the dirty work, like building sets, and making models, and working with CGI technology.

And to be honest, I really can not wait to prove EVERYONE wrong. EVERYONE who ever doubted me, who ever laughed when I told them they'd see me on TV one day. Everyone who ever said "When pigs fly" And everyone who thought I was just another stupid girl with bad grades, a stubborn attitude, and an odd style. I can't wait to prove them all wrong. I don't want to be in this business for fame or money....It's because it's what I enjoy doing. I could care less about fame, and well, money is good, so I'm not going to deny that's a lovely perk. :)

Sigh. So, I'm in a hurry. I want to get to Hollywood. I want to start living my dream soon. And I really want to find the man of my dreams. Those are things I won't rush, but I'm in a rush to get to them...To get started. And so I will. I'm confident in myself. And I only hope that the people in my life will support me, and not go all "It's too bad, she had so much potential" on me...

<3 May The Stars Watch Over You!